Spyder's Checkup

On October 8, which would be 2 months since the initial diagnosis and 5 months from the suspected injury, we went back to New Bolton. I was worried about the news I would get because I haven't seen Spyder do more than walk, and his lameness isn't apparent in that gait. I was both excited and nervous to see him trot, but he was so much better than the first time around, even to the left. There was no head bobbing, but he was still having trouble bringing that leg up to speed. Sure, it was better than last time, but it was still apparent.The discharge papers say, "A mild, less than 1 out of 5 degree, right front lameness is evident most pronounced when circling to the left. This is significantly improved from his last visit."

On to the ultrasound. They were already happy with the lameness exam and seeing that most of the fluid dissipated. It was a quick move to get the ultrasound completed because they knew exactly what to look for when poking around. More good news! It looked like there were fiber patterns in the previous areas that were torn. They were black spaces the first time with no fibers seen, and now,  the area was turning gray because of the rebuilding. Whoo! The old injury which I forgot to talk about before (because I forgot what it was) remained the same. It says, "The old superficial digital flexor lesion is unchanged." Hmm, wonder if he had that before I got him or if that was part of this same injury

Now what?  We're still hand walking and waiting for more fibers to regrow. The progress is headed in the right direction so we'll go back once we get up to 45 minutes of walk. The suggestion is another 2-3 months. If that appointment brings more good news, some of the walk will turn into trot and we'll go from there. I can get on him to do the exercise, but for now, we're keeping it on the ground to work on his manners. I'm glad it's been good news and hope for even better news next visit.

I did have a lesson that went over heels again, and I did a full jump course which was a blast. There was a lot of cantering and sinking into my heels as well as two-point... and even an attempt at posting the canter. Yes, it seems impossible, and I did try, but I failed. I'll talk about that and my ride this coming weekend next post.

WW: Treat Hog

The Past, Present, and Future

We've gotten to the 15 minute hand walking period which resumes until the end of the month before going up to 20 whole minutes. It'll be a month the first of June, wow. Where did summer go? Did it even come? I am reflecting on riding, and I regret not making arrangements to be back in the saddle sooner. I wasted summer.

I have yet to schedule the next appointment, and it's because I've been coping with this whole situation in the worst way. Getting to the barn, I get excited that Spyder is happy to see me. It's just because he's bored out of his mind and looks forward to his daily treats and little bit of doing something. He wants a job, and I want him to have a job. What if he can't get a "real" job back? The thoughts of what might happen leaves me unsure, upset, and teary eyed. I've cried about it enough prior to the diagnosis, and I thought that would end once I got an answer. Now that I have a "probably" on the diagnosis, I'm still not sure what to think and it upsets me every day. It makes it really hard to stay positive, but I realize it is also not the only thing keeping me down lately. It's one piece to this puzzle of this emotions I've been mixed up in.

Did you ever look back or in the present and think to yourself ... What the heck am I doing? What have I become? Who are my friends? What could I have done to prevent this or that from happening? What can I change? What do I even like to do any more? I'm usually not much of a thinker or a worrier. I don't stress often, but something has been provoking these thoughts, and I think it's this bad attitude that I've been displaying in every aspect of my life. I don't like how I've been acting one bit. Obviously, living in the present and taking each day as it comes is the most important thing to do, but I have to stop and think about those questions. From there, I need to reevaluate where I am and what I'm thinking and turn that into something good. I'm insanely lucky and have worked hard to get where I am, and I can't let these first world hassles in life bring me down. Chin up, move forward.

I have a short break in grad school (if my transfer goes through) so I am hoping to get in more me time to relax and bring back some old goals that I've put aside and set new ones. Not having that release from doing what I love most, riding, has put such a hurt on my attitude. I need to make new and different attempts at finding something else that will keep me focused and remember to have fun. I need to expect less of people, lighten up, and go back to caring less. Is this what happens when you turn 27?